Seinfeld Quotes - The Barber

"Well, a lot of people consider me small and prestigious."
    - George, in "The Barber"

"I enjoy understanding."
    - George, in "The Barber"

"I could raise enough money to cure polio."
    - Kramer, discussing a charity bachelor auction, in "The Barber"

"You tell-a the joke, I cut-a the hair."
    - Enzo, to Jerry, in "The Barber"

"You look like you're five years old."
    - George, seeing the results of Jerry's bad haircut, in "The Barber"

"I still haven't heard about that job."
    "Yeah, that's a tough one. What are you gonna do about that?"
"I have an idea."
    "Yeah?"
"I show up."
    "Whattya mean, you show up?"
"I show up! I pretend I have the job. The guy's on vacation. If I have the job, it's fine. If I don't have the job, by the time he comes back I'm ensconced."
    "Hmmmmm.... Not bad."
"What's the worst thing that could happen?"
    "Well, you'd be embarrassed and humiliated in front of a large group of people and have to walk out in shame with your tail between your legs."
"Yeah, so?"
    "Yeah, I see what you mean. I forgot who I was dealing with."
    - George and Jerry, in "The Barber"

"Yes, I like to feel cozy. You know, I have a very small apartment. I like to feel tucked in, nestled in. Love to be nestled."
    - George, in "The Barber"

"So what do you do there all day?"
    "They gave me the Pensky file."
    - Jerry and George, in "The Barber"

"I'd like to have shoehorn hands."
    - Kramer, in "The Barber"

"Boy, you got a beautiful head of hair!"
    "Oh, thank you."
"I'll bet Uncle Enzo, he tell-a you that all-a the time!"
    "Well, actually, Enzo hasn't said that to me in awhile."
    - Gino and Jerry, in "The Barber"

"Look at him! He's grotesque!"
    "You think?"
"Do I think? He's repugnant!"
    - Kramer and Elaine, discussing Jerry, in "The Barber"

"I almost went to barber school. I always felt I had a talent for it."
    - Newman, in "The Barber"

"In college they used to call me 'The Little Bulldog'."
    - George, in "The Barber"

"Flush twice!"
    - Jerry, to Newman, who wants to use the bathroom, in "The Barber"

"He likes fruit, and uh, he just got a haircut."
    - Elaine, auctioning off Kramer, in "The Barber"

"You haven't done anything with this."
    "Well, bear in mind, I am in the smaller office."
    - Tuttle and George, in "The Barber"

"Ta ta, Tut-tel."
    - George, in "The Barber"