Seinfeld Quotes - The Scofflaw

"Was he on his death bed?"
    "No, he was on his regular bed."
    - George and Jerry, in "The Scofflaw"

"I need a new look. I'm stagnating."
    - Kramer, in "The Scofflaw"

"I've been living a lie."
    "Just one? I'm living like twenty."
    - Gary and George, in "The Scofflaw"

"I told Jake you said hi."
    "What?! You told Jake I said hi?"
"Yeah."
    "I can't believe you did that. Why did you tell him I said hi? I never said hi. When did I say hi?"
    - Kramer and Elaine, in "The Scofflaw"

"I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand."
    "It's like a game of tag."
    - Elaine and Jerry, in "The Scofflaw"

"I don't think I can be that nice."
    "You be nice!"
    - Jerry and George, in "The Scofflaw"

"What's this?
    "It's an eyepatch."
"You look like a pirate."
    "I want to be a pirate."
    - Jerry and Kramer, in "The Scofflaw"

"I hate smugness. Don't you hate smugness?"
    "Smugness is not a good quality."
    - Elaine and a taxi driver, in "The Scofflaw"

"Why don't you get a pair of white shoes, move down to Miami Beach and get the whole thing over with?"
    - Jerry, to George, who is buying a toupee, in "The Scofflaw"